Heya! It's that time of the year again, so here comes another year summary! I don't remember how this became a thing, but now it is x) This year was... Interesting to say the least. I tried new things, got in another new relationship, and even moved again! Was cheaper that way, since I was always at my new boyfriend's place most of the time anyways x) But let's back up a little now, and I'll tell you all about my year, which was much better than the previous one to be honest. I cut ties with some toxic people and learned more about setting boundaries. I also met a very kind man who's now my new boyfriend. So let's start with the bad start of the year...
It started out pretty shitty to be honest. You probably remember I had this boyfriend I had a crush on for 2 years until he finally gave me a chance. Well, that went sour pretty fast after we started getting more intimate. Christmas 2020 I sat alone on Christmas eve because he felt it was too soon to let me meet his mother. We had known each other for almost 2 years for crying out loud! And been together for 2 months by then... He did spend New Years eve with me though, it was good then. But then I told him I loved him a week later, and he became distant, and told me he had to take a step back to think things through... Left me alone to cry over the fact, and the fact that I cut ties with my mother on the new year change, on Valentine's day. The worst day that year for sure! By the end of the month I had to get an answer from him; were we still a thing or not?! And the answer was that he didn't have any romantic feelings towards me anymore. I was heartbroken, crushed...
So I decided to try something new for a change; Dating apps! I was honestly surprised by the amount of likes I got etc, I don't find myself too attractive, just about average. But something also tells me guys are less picky than us gals too😅 I ended up talking to several guys through Tinder, but it quickly became overwhelming, so I deleted it after a week. Tried again a week later, as well as Facebook dating. I actually had a date with one guy, which went kind of terribly. Considering making a storytime like video about it on my YouTube channel, it was super awkward. For the poor guys sake I'll leave out his identity, he tried his best, but we simply didn't match, like at all. I'm very much a gamer, and he was not, which is not ideal to me to be honest.
Then in the end of March, on Facebook Dating, I met Adrian. He had liked me, but I was hesitant to like him back because of the distance between us, and at that point I aimed to find someone in the same city as me. But he was cute though, and 30 minutes drive away isn't that far, right..? So I decided to like him back after thinking about it for a day, and was eagerly waiting for him to send a message, I had stated that I'm REALLY bad at saying hi first, so if they were REALLY interested they needed to send the first message (I'm very insecure, so fear of rejection was in my way here, it's not that I'm stuck up or anything). I think he sent me a message the same day, and it was a really cute message, asking me for more info about things I had mentioned in my bio. We ended up talking a while, and after a few days I had grown eager to meet him, so after a bit of back and forth from him, I came over to see him for the first time on April the 9th.
The first meeting was kind of awkward, but only in the beginning. He actually looked really scared when we were sitting in his couch, all hunched up like a ball in the other end from here I was sitting. But as we talked, he felt more comfortable/confident to come closer, and eventually hug me. After talking for a while we played a video game he liked that I'd never heard of before, and we had a really good time. And after that he was feeling a bit tired so he asked me if we could go into the bedroom and relax some. And NO, we didn't do anything kinky, I'm not that kind of gal that fucks on the first date! We were just laying there on the bed together and talked and cuddled. After a while we ended up kissing though, and it was amazing! But then my alarm for the last bus started beeping, and I had to get ready to go... We were both a bit upset I had to leave, but I couldn't stay over, so that was just how it had to be. We hugged and kissed goodbye, and I was on my way. On the bus stop I decided I wanted to go the next step with him, since he also seemed to feel the same way. We were both very much in love with each other by that point, so I didn't think it was weird to change my status on Facebook to "in a relationship" with him, so I did. He was ecstatic about it, but had a bit of trouble understanding how he accepted it, and I was super worried he wasn't that into it because he didn't accept it right away😅
I feel like it's necessary to explain a few things about him though, why things might seem weird about our meeting etc to outsiders. First of all; he hasn't eaten solid food in 4 years. Why? Well, 4 years ago he had an throat infection while eating a slice of pizza with nachos on it. He managed to get said nacho stuck in his throat, and that caused him to get so scared afterwards that he hasn't really been able to eat since. It's probably also worth to mention he also has Asperger's syndrome, so he deals with a lot of obsessive thoughts. So the anxiety about getting something stuck again, or that he might have ruined his throat that one time, has been too strong for him to be able to eat. Because of this he had to get a PEG probe after getting severely thin, he weighed less than 50 kg and is about my height which is around 167cm. He got this inserted in August the year before we met, and because of severe chronical pain it caused he pulled it out that February after talking to his doctor about it. While he had these issues he was also on some strong anti anxiety meds, a type of benzo, which was the only thing keeping him calm, and not having panic attacks aplenty, at that time. He was probably also very addicted to them when I met him, and the day I came over he was pretty much drugged down because he was so anxious and nervous about it all. I had no idea how severe his situation actually were at the time, but I've tried my best to help him ever since, and things are finally looking brighter for him now. Anyways, back to the year summary!
The next week I got a call about a job that I was interested in! But guess where... The brewery... But this time I was to work on the other department of it, the actual brewery/bottling part of it! So I thought it was going to be fine. One month in however I felt very overwhelmed, and anxiety and high stress levels started to tear me apart mentally. I talked to my employer almost every week, telling him I'm not sure if I can do this, and not sure if I'd last much longer, until I hit my breaking point one and a half month into the job. After my Autism "research" I finally realized what I'd experienced was actually a autistic meltdown. Too many things had gone wrong that day, so when a beer can fell down and burst, showering me with beer, I had a really weird kind of explosion inside me. I suddenly got REALLY angry, so I just had to leave to the changing room and get changed. On my way there I almost started crying, I was just totally out of it, and there were like a tornado of emotions swirling inside me, and I simply couldn't control it. In the changing room I started crying for real, and sent my employer a message telling him what had happened, and I needed this to end NOW. He understood, and relayed the message to the boss of my department. They all seemed understanding, and I was allowed to leave almost right away. I was relieved.
After this incident I decided to REALLY take the possibility of me being autistic seriously, so I contacted my doctor about it, and he referred me to the right specialists, and in December I got my diagnosis, which I wrote about in my previous blog post 😊
While all of this was going on I was visiting Adrian regularly, and I even slept over from time to time. I also cut ties with that ex I mentioned in another blog post, as that friendship wasn't good for any of us to be honest. I don't like it when people get into my head and plays with me like that guy did. It's just plain bad in my opinion. But back to Adrian! We played Xbox together the days I wasn't over, but when I quit my job, the stays at his place became longer and longer. And I brought more and more of my things over. We just couldn't get enough of each other! So by the end of August I was officially moved in with him, and so it has stayed to this day 😊 During the summer I helped him get off the benzo's, and helped him get doctors to actually look at him, and figure out why he's in such bad constant pain. In December we finally got an answer and a probable solution; The hole from the PEG probe went straight through a nerve, and that nerve has been sending bad signals to the brain since that was inserted. Now there's scar tissue instead of a tube, and that scar tissue is causing the same issue, so the solution seems to be to cut that tissue out and sew the wound together instead (which was not done when he first pulled it out). So we're currently waiting for an open spot to get this surgery done, they promised to try and get him in by the end of January, and we're both anxious and excited to get this over with. Really hoping this helps him get rid of the pain! He told me he wants to marry me when he gets better, and I'm honestly looking forward to that. I think I've finally found my perfect match, a guy I want to spend the rest of my life with♥
So that's pretty much my 2021! I've also worked more on my drawings too, finally finishing up the first chapter of my manga and started on the next one. And with an autism diagnosis I hope to be able to apply for Disability Benefits, so that I can focus more on my art as well since that's something that truly brings me joy and feeling of fulfillment in life! So let's hope for all good things and blessings in the year of 2022~! Until next time~!
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