So here we are again...
Last year I said I hoped 2020 would be a better year, but I never anticipated Covid-19 to happen like it did back then! Despite that however, I have had a wonderful year with a lot of new things. Let's start from the beginning of the year!
I actually don't remember much from January, so I guess I better skip to the most lifechanging thing to happen to me this year, that happened in February; I broke up with Rin. Yup, that's right! Never thought I would, but I finally did. I used to adore the guy, until a not so fortunate side of him started to show. His real colors weren't so nice after all... But I didn't really see how bad he had affected me until I was away from him.
Why did I break up with him? Well... First of all; my feelings were fading. I felt like it wasn't really working out, and it hadn't really for the past 2 years. A lot of disagreement, and shit being just.... shit. Second; I was falling in love with someone else... And I felt bad about that! I wanted to be there for Rin, as I knew his struggles, but at the same time it wasn't fair to him that I was longing for another mans embrace. So I got a meeting with NAV about my economic situation, and they told me that moving out could be a step forward that could lead to me getting a steady job, as I would be able to get the sleep I needed when I needed it (Rin and I had TOTALLY different sleep schedules), and I would be able to focus on myself. Rin did NOT like the idea, and gave me an ultimatum; "If you move out, we're done". Me, being the person I am, do not take kindly to ultimatums, and often choose the opposing option of the person giving me the choice, so I said "fine, I guess it's over then". He proceeded to stomp on the floor, and hitting the living room table.
In the beginning of March I found and moved into my own apartment, the one I'm sitting in now in fact! It was so weird to be on my own. Was really lucky to get this one too, the landlord had originally planned on having more people over to see it, but he seemed to like me so much, he offered it to me instead. This month I also started to talk to my crush almost daily, and I was actually back at the brewery again as an intern to get back into working a job etc. And, eh, guess what... My crush was one of the other workers there! The day we saw each other again for the first time since the summer job, I'll never forget that one. My heartrate was above 140 bpm, and he seemed to blush like crazy as soon as he laid eyes on me. He was denying having any feelings for me though. Yes, I confessed shortly after being sent home because of Covid-19. He told me he probably wouldn't be able to give me the same love back.
April came around, and he was sent home as well. We started planning movie nights, but first we had a birthday celebration coming up! His birthday was just a few days before mine, so I wanted my celebration to be kind of his as well. And because of Covid-19 we could only be 5 people at one location at once. I decided he was a 1st priority guest, and then Chris was obviously invited, and 2 other close friends of mine at the time was also invited. But I wanted a bit of help baking for the "big day", so I invited my crush over, and he accepted. We were very awkwardly trying to bake buns together, but we both are the "don't come too close" type of person, so it was really weird. We've always been pretty awkward around each other at work as well, me because of obvious reasons. I'd been secretly liking him since I first met him, I just tried my best to suppress my feelings. Didn't work out in the end though.
But I'll never forget that visit, even though there wasn't anything romantic going on, except maybe the thing he did when he was leaving... I was going to go for a walk with a friend as he was leaving, so I walked him to his car. As he was nearing his car, he suddenly stopped, looking up at the stars. "The night sky is clear tonight." he said, then looking at me, smiling. I totally froze, I didn't expect that. I couldn't think straight, so I just tried to smile and said back "uh, yeah, it's very clear". God, I hate myself today for not walking closer to him, I just stood there like a moron. We ended up just standing there, 2-3 meters apart, talking about stars and star signs. When I thought back on it later, I realized how fucking romantic that shit really was.
Then there's May... Not much to talk about here, except that we decided to do weekly walks together, and had a few movie nights. I confessed my love for him again, and I got the "I rather stay friends" message. I was devastated, so I started considering getting a pet.
June came, and I got that pet I was considering. I originally wanted a cat, but the shelter said I needed 2 if I wanted indoor cats, and planned on working a steady job. I didn't have money to keep 2, and it would probably have been too much for me, so I went to the pet store instead. There I met my lil Bruce, the Degu. As soon as I laid eyes on him I thought "that's my lil boy", and I asked the lady working there if I could greet him. She told me he was the most social and cuddly degu she ever encountered, and she was right; he was very social and cuddly. I thought he was perfect! And now you might be wondering why I keep saying "was"... No-no-no, he didn't pass away, but...Not long after I got him I got a call from the brewery. They wanted me to work this summer again. I didn't hesitate to accept, though it was a surprise. A welcomed surprise, that's for sure!
So I started working there again in the mid/end of June, and everything went well. Until Bruce started acting up. When I started working, I didn't have the time or energy to cuddle him all the time anymore. He started craving my attention at every waking moment, and started keeping me up at night. No amount of toys, sticks or treats was good enough. So after trying to deal with his tantrums for a few weeks, I gave up, and decided it was time to do something. So I put him up for adoption. It was a really hard decision to make, but ultimately it was the best for him. I got a message from a lovely lady the day after, and I asked her about previous experience etc. This lady seemed to have a lot of experience, and she even had 3 girls herself. I asked for pictures just to make sure, and when I saw them, I decided she was a good fit for Bruce. So the next day they picked him up. I remember I managed to keep a straight face while they were here, but as soon as they had left and I shut the door, the tears started rolling. I think I cried for an hour, but in the end it was the best for both of us. I got sent pictures of him afterwards, and he seemed happy in those. 😊
Not much happened during my summer job, other than it being extended each moth. In the middle of September was my dads birthday, so I ended up taking a day off to go visit him. This year was his 60th birthday, so I felt like I really had to go. I missed his 50th birthday, hell no if I was gonna miss out on this one! I had a lovely weekend at his place, but he lives so far away I had to take a plane ride up there. I could take a bus as well, but that would take me about 10 hours, so I chose the 1 hour plane ride instead. When I was going home though, there were some terrible mist, and because of that, I had to stay 2 days longer than expected. Thankfully my boss was okey with that! 😊
Just a week later my grandpa passes away, so I had to travel once again, but this time it was easier by night train. I originally didn't want to go, since I didn't feel an emotional connection to the man, but my dad insisted and even paid for the trip, so I felt like I had to. It ended up being a nice trip though, and I actually got to talk to some family I hadn't talked to before, or hadn't talked with in 10 years. I didn't lose any work days on this trip though, and I was really thankful for that. I was working so hard to earn as much money as I could before I wasn't needed anymore. I started helping out at the bottler part of the brewery as well as driving a different forklift than I used to. I've had the certificate to drive a reach truck since last year when I got it, so I started driving one of those, helping out with the early shifts and getting in some practice at the same time!
I was still chatting with my crush, but starting to accept that he wasn't interested in me back. The others at work knew I was into someone, but not who. Not until the end of September that is! I was in a really giddy mood after asking my crush over for Halloween, and he actually seemed to be interested in coming over. As stupid as I was, I started telling people at work I was excited to MAYBE have my crush over. We were all sitting there talking, and suddenly one of them got very curious about who it was, as I never told anyone who it was (I figured that was for the best, as we worked together and he wasn't into me back). One of them, who had watched how both of us were acting the previous year, just asked me straight out: "Is it HIM (the name of my crush obviously)?". I panicked and just said "I can't tell you... I can't tell you..." while blushing like a fucking moron while holding my hands up to my face. I was busted! This is where the interesting part comes... Two of my co-workers then proceeded to go ahead and ask my crush if he was interested back, but he told them both no. He said he wasn't interested in me in neither a sexual or romantical way. I sent him a message afterwards telling him that if he REALLY wasn't interested in me that way, he got to shoot straight with me. He'd been avoiding saying it to me straight out that he wasn't interested, only "maybe/I don't think so/I don't know", so obviously I wasn't able to totally let go. I also told him that if he didn't reply to that part of our conversation, I'd assume that he only told them that to avoid drama at work. He never addressed that part.
Fast forward to October, my favorite month of the year; HALLOWEEN TIME~! ♥ And this year my October got even better than any previous year. I still worked in the storage, and I was starting to get standardized as a reach truck driver. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed it very much. I felt much more independent and helpful, so it gave me a huge confident boost. I also started to understand how my crush and his colleague had it with this job, as it was also a sometimes stressful job as well as requiring a lot of focus. After the first week I was already exhausted! Not much else happened that month, until the 19th. I had been chatting with my crush every afternoon when he was working the late shifts, and the conversations had always been good. This evening I was feeling a bit more brave and flirty, so I mentioned a perverted joke my friends had told me that included me and my crush. I might have pushed it a little bit too far this time though... But he finally admitted that he was actually into me! My mind was just blown when he told me, and I started asking him "like, when did you start liking me?!". He couldn't pinpoint exactly when, but he told me that when he was denying it to the other co-workers he felt like he was lying, even to himself. Needless to say, we decided we where a couple after that, and we celebrated Halloween at my place as a couple! 😊
The whole relationship was kept as a secret for the rest of the workplace as my boyfriend is the type of person that likes to keep things private, but it was hard for me to not tell anyone. I was just so happy to finally have the guy of my dreams pretty much. I was ecstatic! Only one other person knew about it, but that was because he'd been my "spy" the whole time. I wanted someone else to help me figure out if he liked me back, so I had to "play dirty"... I felt bad about doing that, but he helped me keep my hopes up, and saw something was up he told me. But it seemed like most of everyone caught up with it all by mid November. I decided then to just come out to the bosses about it, as there were new Covid-19 rules set in motion. Me and my boyfriend sat closer than 2 meter away from each other during breaks, and the new rules stated we should stay more than 2 meter away if we where to sit close for longer than 15 minutes. So I decided to ask if it was the same if you were regularly with a colleague in your spare time. They didn't understand what I was trying to say, so I just ended up saying somethings along the lines of "well, uhm, HIM and me are, eh, together now, and been together for about a month". They were a bit surprised, but congratulated me, and told me it was fine, I didn't need to worry about it. It was a relief to finally tell someone straight out what's been going on, and that they took it as well as they did. Our boss apparently joked with my boyfriend and told him to "stay away from his substitutes outside of work". At the end of November my substitute job was over. This was pretty much planned though, so it wasn't because of the relationship that had developed, no worries! 😜
Since Halloween my boyfriend has been coming over pretty much every weekend. I'm always excited to see him again, especially now that we're not working together anymore. I can feel that I miss him during the weeks, which actually is a bit of a refreshing feeling. But I had a rough time during Christmas though. On December 22nd I decided to show off my little Christmas tree that had no presents under it. In my post I stated that the post wasn't to garner sympathy, nor a cry for gifts. I simply wrote that I felt a bit forgotten, especially by one side of the family. I also stated by the end of the post that if anyone felt like I was talking about them, they could simply just wish me a merry Christmas to show that they care! Of course my mother took that a bit too personal, so on December 23rd she decided to send me a bit of a slightly aggressive message where she told me she had planned on giving me a gift this year, but she felt like she didn't really want to give it to me after reading the post. I tried to point out what I ment by the post, but she didn't really listen. In the end we ended up fighting over this, and how much of a bad kid I've always been, as well as me trying to get her to see WHY I was such a bad kid when having her as a mother. It was just a big unnecessary mess... And when I finally got done with the fight with her, my fricking sister comes in for round two! By the end of that day I'd turned all my notifications off, and I was just done with everyone. Needless to say; My Christmas this year sucked! Until I got a random message from my dad on the 30th. Apparently there was a package waiting for me at my local post office. I nearly ran over there to pick it up, wondering both who sent it and what it was. Turned out my dad, his ex fiancé and her mother had felt so sorry for what I went through that day, and not having anything to open under my tree, they decided they wanted to give me some extra things (they had originally given me money already). So what I ended up picking up was a box with 8 small presents in it :) It was a bunch of small things like candy and silly toys, but God did that make me feel loved. They went out of their way to make my day a bit brighter, and it really helped! I ended up opening all the gifts in a video chat with my best friends 😊
New years eve I celebrated with my new boyfriend, and we sure started the new year with a bang! Take that as you please, ya pervy bastards 😜 But from joke to seriousness; I hope 2021 brings the same amount of personal growth and prosperity as 2020 has. I think I'm one of very few that can say that this was my year for sure! I've learned a lot of new things, and opened my eyes about some old things and habits that weren't good for me.
Cheers everyone~! Until next time~!
